Encouraging our daughters

I had an interesting conversation with my DD tonight...she was talking about wanting to maybe be a scientist when she grows up. So I told her that she can be whatever she wants to be...the sky's the limit. So then she asked me what I had wanted to be when I was a little girl and how come I'm "only" a mom now....

Hmmm...tough question. And it got me to thinking...we encourage our daughters to reach for the sky but how can I, as a stay at home, encourage my daughter to do that when I haven't done the same? When I'm only a stay at home mom? That's not to say my job's not tough...it is. And I love every minute (okay...almost every minute) of it...but still...does anyone get what I'm trying to say?

i totally understand what your saying! its like me encouraging my 18 yr old to finish school when i and he knows it didn't finish school myself, i always have to battle with him over the importance of homework and finishing school!

sillyfeet's post: Reach for the sky. Plans change as you get older, priorities shift.

purplehaze72's post: Learn from my mistakes.


edited to clarify what to whom.

I wouldn't say being a stay at home is a mistake...it's not what I had planned for but it's what was (and still is) right for us and our family. I just don't want her to think that's ALL there is in life, and that if she wants more she can have it. I also don't want her to think I regret the choices I've made either, because I haven't.

that's because we always want things to be better for our kids, same as when we were young and we were told that we could be what ever we wanted to be.

Sillyfeet, that one would be for purplehaze72. The first two were yours.

Tell her that at this point in time this is were you want to be.
Things change and in a few years you may continue on a diffrent journey .
But at the moment you have reached for the sky and found it

sam1950 wrote:Tell her that at this point in time this is were you want to be.
Things change and in a few years you may continue on a diffrent journey .
But at the moment you have reached for the sky and found it

I like that answer Sam. I just may use it. Thank you.

tell her what i tell my son. i love you so very much that i chose to make you my very specail job. you can be anything you want to be. i ask my son now that he is 10 what college he wants to go to and what he wants to be and i encourage him always .

I get what you are saying ,I had a similar convo with my own dd a few years back.
I told her the truth , that I did have dreams , that I DO still have dreams and I am working on them. One of my dreams was to be a great mom and to raise a daughter who would know she could change the world if she wanted to!

Different things are important to different people at different times. Could I have pursued my craft and raised children at the same time? Probably, but I wanted to do one thing at a time and not miss a single minute.

For some people ( think box of chocolates LOL) life is like eating a turtle candy. Pecans caramel and chocolate . YUMMY, but I like to eat pecans by themselves, caramel on my ice cream and chocolate in a mug with whip cream on top. It's a matter of timing and personal choices.

1_of_5 wrote:Sillyfeet, that one would be for purplehaze72. The first two were yours.

Got it now.

Silly, I understand completely. I have a college degree, but am a stay at home mom (or domestic engineer) as I like to call it. It has been said that a stay at home mom works the equivelant of two jobs. Truth is, my daughter told me the other day that she has decided that she does not want to go to college. She's only ten, so I'm sure she'll change her mind. I just tell her that she CAN be or do anything that she sets her mind to.

Your job is just as important as if you were working outside of the home. You are not "just" anything. your daughter will look up to you for all the things you do, as you probably complete more jobs in a day than some people do in a week!!! You have a lot on your plate, and you dedicate yourself to your children. Dr.Phil always says that you do not raise children, you raise adults. And you, are raising you children to be upstanding citizens, and if you ask me that is more important than anything else.

Now, Please understand that I'm not discounting those moms who work outside the home AND come home only to complete all the household chores or that they are not raising upstanding citizens. Only that most stay at homes rarely get out, or get the adult interaction that working moms do.

Just tell her that it was a tough choice, and that you, unlike a lot of women, had the option of staying home. Not every parent gets that chance, and that you are very lucky that you do.

Sillyfeet - that is a very interesting question. I am not intending this to start the whole staying at home/going to work debate but what is wrong with staying at home, at least while kids are little? I think you are putting yourself down by agreeing that you are just a mum. Mums are way more special than that. I've done both working and having my daughter being looked after and staying at home with kids and neither is better, its just what is right for you at the moment.

I don't think it is hypocritical to want your daughter to know that she can reach for the stars - you just have to remember that it doesn't really matter what you say, the little buggers do what they want to. I had my daughter at 19 and always stressed to her that while I didn't regret having her I hoped that she would wait a bit longer to have kids. She waited a whole year longer than me - but she did know that she had choices. Isn't that all that matters - that your daughter knows that you will support her whatever choices she makes.

Sorry if I sound preachy or don't make sense - pretty new at all this posting stuff.

Lisa

Good, sorry about the confusion. I'm currently a stay at home mom for 3 teenage stepsons.

Re:Encouraging our daughters
by 1_of_5 on November 8, 6:09 PM
Good, sorry about the confusion. I'm currently a stay at home mom for 3 teenage stepsons.

I have 3 young boys and I'm curious - do teenage boys really eat as much as people say they do?

Yes.

The oldest one is a bottomless pit who has trained himself not to listen to his stomach. Figured out that we can't afford to feed everyone as much as they want. The younger two haven't yet gotten to be bottomless pits but sooner or later I have no doubt they will.

That settles it, I definitely will need a bigger kitchen with more pantry space!

Pantry yes. It helps to have a good sized one and keep it filled when you have 3 boys.

Sillyfeet, I chose to stay at home when the kids were little, in fact I babysat to make some money at home. But my answer to your daughter would be what it was to my kids. Right now you are the most important thing and being with you is best for you and for me. Maybe later things will be different, but it is something that I will let you know before it happens.